Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
