the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
