I just saw a hot homeless man
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
