Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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