You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
