The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
