It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
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