im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
