just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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