just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
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