We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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