i would punch a child for taco bell
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
