rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
As shirtless as possible
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
