I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
