I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
