So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
