Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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