i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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