I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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