my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
