the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
