Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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