Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
All I want is dick and wine.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
