Taylor Swift is so right about you.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
