you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
