some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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