"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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