Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
