The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
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