I will die if light touches me.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
