While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
