I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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