i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
