you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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