Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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