smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
