I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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