did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
