You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
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