pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
