grandma shit on top of the toilet
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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