I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
