I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
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