it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
