I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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