apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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