Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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