Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
