Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
