I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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