you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
