Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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