worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
We are all done wearing pants today
I love you. Go after that dick
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
