after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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