She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
