this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
