Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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