Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
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